The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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