Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He better not be in your backpack
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
