I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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