proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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