remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
