Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
