just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
