Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize