Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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