girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize