Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
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