maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
love makes seman taste better
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
