South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
