oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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