Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
