my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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