Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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