We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
