No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
