dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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