The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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