when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
