My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
