I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
