I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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