first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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