I CAN MOONWALK!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
