More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
