I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
