There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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