i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
