someone threw a dead crab at me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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