cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
being pregnant is like rehab
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
