Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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