Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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