textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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