He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
