Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
