Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
pray to the hookup gods
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
