We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
