Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
