My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
