I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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