Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
