Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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