If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
