she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
