God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
