Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
