Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
