the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
