STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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