I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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