I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
