She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
