just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
