Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
