She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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