'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
