proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I forget how to act sober
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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