Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
