Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
