I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
