If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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