I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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