he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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