i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
