I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
