i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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