just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
a search helicopter?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize