it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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