Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
