Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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