Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
