Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
