Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
