she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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