Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
