We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
