you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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