you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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