So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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